I have neglected my blog. A whole month without a post. It’s the equivalent of my tiny front garden in the UK…weeds and anti-weed mat poking through the white pebbles…and a few cat/fox poos for decoration.
September has not been a stellar mental health month. I’ve carried a weight in the pit of my stomach and a weight on my chest for most of it. It was bearable most days, like a wrinkle in a sock that you can’t get rid of but you can tune down as background irritation. Then I got ill. I had a viral cold which knocked me sideways. Add to the mix the usual monthly hormonal rollercoaster and all hell broke loose. I felt like my body and my mind were playing an evil game – who could make me feel the shittiest. The easiest place to hide was in bed…deep under the covers. I wish I had a Worzel Gummidge head.
Worzel Gummidge was a character from a children’s t.v show in the 70’s. He was a scarecrow that could change his head. At times I wish I could change my head for one that was empty, just a nice bit of straw, for a couple of hours when my anxiety is raging so I could have some peace.
I took my S.O.S tablets several days in a row…something I haven’t needed to do since I stopped taking meds at the beginning of the year.
But, I didn’t take to my bed. Apart from a couple of days because of the cold I kept going. The alternative is too scary – if I stop moving I’m afraid I’ll be overwhelmed completely and I won’t be able to get back. I keep going in the hope that the bout will eventually subside, I’ll be able to breathe easily again and my mind will stop racing. I seek out the joyful things. I go to the places that I know usually bring me happiness or peace. So where have I been?
Gaiety and fairy lights abounded in the Ganapathi Chathuri festival. This is the second one I’ve seen. It’s a marker of the time we’ve spent in India; nearly two years now. Lord Ganesha; remover of obstacles, patron of the arts and sciences and the deva of intellect and wisdom. He sounds like an excellent person to have on your team.
I did a ceramics workshop. I found a couple of potters who set up their business after many years in Mumbai corporate life. They have a beautiful open air studio in the Bhugaon ghats. They have a wonderful, one eyed, rescued street pig called Lalita, who takes her rootling duties very seriously. There was chai and biscuits at the end of the session and I even managed to throw a couple of pots on the wheel. No…neither Patrick Swayze nor the Righteous Brothers were anywhere in the vicinity.
Ponio continues to be a joy. My enthusiasm to ride did waver which was alarming to say the least. I’ve never not wanted to ride…nothing has ever dented that passion. But, just being around the beastie is soothing in itself, even when he’s had enough of his massage therapy and lunges at me with his teeth bared. I do wonder what he must think when I’m like this…he must pick up on my heightened emotional state.
Fortunately you don’t always need to get on the horse, you can just breathe it in.
What else…I’ve been trying to draw every day, even if it’s just a doodle. I’ve whipped up the Mumbai Urban Sketchers group to join me in #inktober – an ink drawing/doodle a day for the month of October, to be posted on the group FB page. I posted my efforts first and then the others followed with their wonderful inky creations. I can only improve, right?
Last but not least, I have burrowed deep into the bosom of my little family. The pups are glorious. They make life simple; food, a walk, pee/poo and the regular skirmish on the sofa to see who can sit closest to mama. Even their ripe doggy smell due to a last minute Monsoon hurrah has been a comfort (mostly). And obviously the H. The H who is like a rock when everything seems to be as topsy turvy as a scene from Alice in Wonderland (but not as much fun). He can see through the panic, he takes it all in his stride and doesn’t judge.
I am forever thankful for the day we met over jelly beans and tequila. He has a few faults, the man is only human after all. Mumbling is one….the title of this post; Andy’s Birthday…
The H: Today is Andy’s birthday…
Me: Who’s Andy???
The H: Gandhi my love! Today is Gandhi’s birthday.