January 1st…a day to look forward.

I don’t want to look back … I know there were some amazing moments but 2017 will always be the year that my lovely Daddy passed away…on May 23rd…on my parent’s wedding anniversary.

That’s why it’s been so quiet. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t really do much apart from function on a daily basis. Grief is different for everyone…it’s not something to be judged on how much wailing or chest beating there is. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to get into bed and stay there curled up with the dogs. My older Sis couldn’t sleep a wink and went into organisational overdrive…

Even with the four of us; me, my two sisters and my Mum the planning of the funeral and all the administration stuff that comes with a death is exhausting. It’s such a bizarre situation; a load of bureaucratic nonsense at one of the most distressing times in your life…and don’t get me started on the computer generated letters that still arrive in my Dad’s name even though all the relevant agencies have been sent a copy of his death certificate.

We’ve also moved back to the UK.

I arrived before Christmas because of the dogs. The animal logistics at Heathrow over Christmas is at a bare minimum so the transporter advised me to go earlier than the planned travel on December 30th. The H however, did arrive on the 30th December as he had to stay and supervise the packing.

At the moment I feel that I’m on holiday, it doesn’t feel like I’ve moved back for good. Let’s see how long it takes for real life to kick in. I am looking forward to catching up with friends and family and I know that 2018 is full of possibilities. I hope the sadness becomes less.

My Dad was a quiet man and on the cautious side but he was the biggest supporter of our move to Brazil. He would listen to my travel tales and encourage me to see and do as much as I could, to make the most of the experience….and of course always tell me to be careful and stay safe. I’m sure if he were still here he would give me the same advice, to treat this move as if it were a move to a new country and enjoy the process.

I will try.


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